I wanted to call this ttfn or something cutesy. You know how we bloggers roll but the title's a more honest representation of what I'm doing. I really am just fucking off for a bit. I'm starting uni on Sunday and I need to focus myself on packing and pre-reading and spending time in the real world with Elliott and my family and friends before I go off on my new adventures. And as a very socially nervous person once I'm there I've made up my mind to throw myself into it as much as I can, and not give myself anywhere to cower and hide. Y'know like the internet.
Also to be honest I've fallen out with blogging a little bit. Not that I really don't like it anymore or anything like that! I just feel my passion for it is all dried up at the moment. My posts are becoming few and far between and lacking that certain something I prided myself on. (God knows what it was but there's something different between posts that you look at and think 'yes, I did good' and posts that just seem to suck for no apparent reason) And as a result of that lacking in inspiration/ passion the activity on my blog's taken a massive nosedive. My blogsale was such a dismal failure I actually laughed for a few minutes before deleting the stupid thing and the post that came after it got even less love. BELLAETC has stopped being a cute creative scrapbook of my life and something on which I just churn out what I can and hope to god someone cares enough to comment so I don't look silly.
I hate being negative. But maybe that's why I've run out of steam? I look back and all my posts are so airbrushed. I think I wrote a few sentences about the tax office charging me too much back in April, and that's been it for mentions of the less chirpy sides to my life. The whole 'chin up' thing is something I do in every aspect of my life really and, while I think it's really important to stay positive and keep smiling (you should have seen me do Duke of Edinburgh trying to lead everyone in song while we trudged through fields for six hours - I was infuriating!) It does at times feel like I'm being a bit fake, which in turn becomes bland and boring. I have no personality on here. None at all.
I don't want to give up blogging. I've really enjoyed it and made some lovely friends and have generally found my life enriched by being part of this whole community. I just feel I need a breather. Some time to reflect and give BELLAETC a rest and hopefully find a way to put a bit more of myself into to my little blog again. A little more heart and soul rather than just a stream of 'Here's a beauty product. It's good stuff!' posts. I'm not really sure how. I'm hoping it'll come to me.
This is the probably the most heartfelt post I've ever done. I think I'm just going to hit publish and have done with it. For a start if I read it I know I'll over-edit myself and it'll just end up like the rest of my recent blog content. Also it's 2:15am and Elliott's coming round to make brownies at 10am!
So that's that I suppose. I hope noone thinks I'm being silly or attention seeking. I was very hesitant about writing this sort of post and it was meant to be short but once I started typing it all came tumbling out. I just wanted to give you guys an explanation for why I was going to be absent for a bit. I'm not sure how long.
But if you've read this thankyou :) I really do appreciate every one of my readers, every comments makes my day and I will definitely miss chatting with you while I'm away. I still plan to do book reviews over at The Blogger's Library once it's up and running (any day now!) and will still be social networking away (probably drunkenly during freshers so that should be good for a laugh)
But I will be back. I'm sure of it. I just need to find myself a little bit and stop editing myself. There's a way to have clean professional content and still have a personality filled blog. I know because that describes perfectly some of my fave blogs!
Which reminds me, before I leave, I want to share a little list of some of my all time favourite blogs. These are blogs that I sit down with some toast to read through, that I purposefully don't look at for a little while just so I can have a catch up session and read all the new posts in one go. A few people that I think you would really enjoy because I do!
.Cupcakes Clothes. Vivatramp. The Magpie Girl. Scathingly Brilliant. A Beautiful Mess. SCHADENFREUDE. Nekoblog.
of course there are more but hey. Lucky number seven eh?
So that's it. I'm off on a great whirlwind adventure and hopefully I can come back with fresh new ideas and BELLAETC can become something inspiring and insightful and the sort of thing other people sit down to read with excitement and a round of hot buttered toast.